Building self-respect is often misunderstood as simply liking oneself or having a high opinion of one’s abilities. In reality, self-respect goes much deeper. It’s about holding yourself to a standard of dignity, integrity, and personal worth, and then acting in alignment with those values—regardless of external opinions or circumstances. It’s a lifelong project that requires self-awareness, personal growth, and often, the ability to navigate the challenges of self-doubt, criticism, and societal expectations.
As someone who’s been on this journey for over five decades, I can tell you that self-respect isn’t just about “feeling good” about who you are. It’s about having the courage to stand by your values, even when it’s difficult, uncomfortable, or unpopular. It’s about knowing where you end and the rest of the world begins. And most importantly, it’s about treating yourself with the same compassion, dignity, and fairness that you’d offer to a loved one.
Understanding Self-Respect: A Deeper Look
Self-respect is not to be confused with self-esteem, though they are related. Self-esteem is more about how you feel about yourself, your self-worth in the eyes of others, or how you view your accomplishments. Self-respect, however, is the foundation of self-esteem. It’s the internal compass that guides your actions and decisions, regardless of external validation.
Here are the fundamental aspects of building self-respect:
- Living According to Your Values:
Research consistently shows that people who live in alignment with their personal values report higher levels of happiness and psychological well-being. The American Psychological Association (APA) cites that integrity—acting in a way that is true to one’s beliefs—creates a stronger sense of self-worth. When you respect your own values, you’re less likely to succumb to peer pressure or external expectations, which only dilutes your sense of self. - Setting Boundaries:
Healthy boundaries are essential to self-respect. A landmark study by Dr. Harriet Lerner on emotional boundaries found that the ability to assert boundaries directly correlates with a person’s emotional well-being. It allows you to protect your time, energy, and emotional health, while maintaining respect for others. When we let others overstep, we send a silent message that our needs are not important. - Self-Care is Self-Respect:
Caring for your body and mind isn’t just a matter of staying healthy—it’s a fundamental act of self-respect. Harvard Health points out that consistent physical activity, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep don’t just keep us healthy; they send a signal to ourselves that we are worth the investment. We can’t expect others to respect us if we don’t show that same respect to ourselves. - Forgiving Yourself:
Holding on to guilt or shame about past mistakes only keeps you tethered to negative self-judgment. Brene Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, found that self-compassion—accepting your flaws, learning from mistakes, and treating yourself kindly—improves mental resilience and overall life satisfaction. Acknowledge your mistakes, but don’t let them define you. True self-respect comes from accepting your humanity, warts and all. - Assertiveness and Self-Advocacy:
Assertiveness doesn’t mean being aggressive or overbearing; it’s about communicating your needs and feelings in a clear, respectful manner. A 2018 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology showed that assertiveness is linked to better mental health outcomes, including lower levels of anxiety and depression. When you assert your needs, you send a message to yourself and others that you are worthy of respect.
Common Challenges to Self-Respect
Building self-respect is not without its hurdles. It’s a journey filled with challenges that test our commitment to our values. Here are a few common obstacles and how to deal with them:
- External Validation:
We live in a world where the opinions of others often hold more weight than our own. Whether it’s social media likes, career accolades, or the approval of family and friends, it’s easy to lose sight of your own worth when you’re constantly seeking validation from others. The key is to find intrinsic sources of value—things that define you beyond the opinions of others. Learn to differentiate between constructive feedback and unnecessary criticism. - Imposter Syndrome:
Imposter syndrome is the pervasive feeling that you don’t deserve your achievements or that you’re a fraud. It’s an obstacle that can undermine self-respect. Overcoming imposter syndrome starts with acknowledging that feelings of inadequacy are normal but not reflective of your actual abilities. Research from the International Journal of Behavioral Science suggests that the best way to overcome imposter syndrome is by normalizing your struggles and accepting that everyone feels insecure at times. - Perfectionism:
Perfectionism is often mistaken for a form of self-respect, but it’s actually a way of avoiding failure or criticism. Perfectionists tend to set unrealistically high standards for themselves, which can lead to burnout, anxiety, and a feeling of never being “enough.” Embrace the idea of “good enough” rather than striving for perfection. It’s an important step toward building self-respect that is grounded in reality, not fantasy.
What Happens When You Lose Self-Respect?
The consequences of losing self-respect can be dire. The National Institute of Mental Health has found that individuals with low self-respect are more prone to developing mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and even substance abuse. Low self-respect can also lead to toxic relationships and career dissatisfaction. When we don’t respect ourselves, we tend to tolerate mistreatment from others, and this only perpetuates the cycle of diminished self-worth.
How to Build Self-Respect Every Day
- Practice Self-Reflection:
Take time each day to reflect on your actions and how they align with your values. Journaling is a great way to track your progress and identify areas where you might need to adjust. - Celebrate Small Wins:
Don’t wait for the big victories to celebrate. Every small achievement counts. Recognize your growth and give yourself credit for the efforts, no matter how small. - Seek Professional Help When Needed:
Sometimes, the path to self-respect requires guidance. Therapy, coaching, or support groups can help you uncover underlying issues and provide tools for rebuilding your self-esteem. - Surround Yourself with Supportive People:
The company you keep has a direct impact on how you view yourself. People who respect you for who you are, not just for what you do, will reinforce your sense of self-worth.
Perspectives on Building Self-Respect
John, 47, USA (Engineer)
“Building self-respect is one of the most important things I’ve done in my adult life. When I started setting boundaries and saying ‘no’ to things that drained me, I noticed a huge difference in my self-worth. People respect me more now, and honestly, I respect myself more. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it.”
Maria, 55, Spain (Teacher)
“I always thought that self-respect was about never making mistakes, but I’ve learned it’s more about how you deal with those mistakes. It’s okay to falter. What matters is how you bounce back and learn from it.”
David, 32, UK (Artist)
“I think self-respect is about authenticity. I spent so many years trying to be what others expected of me. Once I started embracing who I am, my life changed. It’s a constant work in progress, but it’s definitely worth it.”
Anika, 29, India (Entrepreneur)
“Self-respect is not about arrogance; it’s about knowing that your time, energy, and feelings are valuable. I’ve learned that saying ‘no’ to people is not selfish, it’s essential for maintaining my peace of mind.”
Chen, 40, China (Doctor)
“I’ve found that respecting yourself also means respecting others. The more I invest in treating myself with kindness, the more I can extend that kindness to others. It’s a reciprocal relationship.”
Conclusion
Building self-respect is a long-term commitment that requires awareness, action, and patience. It’s a foundation on which all other forms of self-esteem and personal success are built. By living authentically, setting boundaries, and treating yourself with kindness, you’ll develop a deeper, more resilient sense of self-respect that will serve you for a lifetime.
The path isn’t always easy, but it’s certainly worthwhile—and remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Many have walked this path before you, and many will walk it with you. Keep going, one step at a time.
